In the middle of a move and the pouring rain, my mom was willing to buckle up her two daycare kids and pack four lunches to appease my desire to see the golden aspen groves in the Colorado mountains. Thank you, Mom. I love you.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Emerging
How does one organize thoughts and feelings in such a way as to write tribute to seventeen months? It would take me time to really do it justice. I would have to go away to a scenic cottage and be contemplative and write draft upon draft until I felt I had given the appropriate amount of time to the expressing of my life and self. There is that desire within me. And yet, I simply don't have that luxury. Instead, I will type out a few unorganized thoughts and try to resume this blog moving forward and forgive myself for the huge gaping hole in the midst of extraordinary days, weeks, months, years.
The blog post that was originally put on hold would have been my brother Ryan's wedding to my sweet and newest sister, Amanda. That was June of 2013. Unfortunately, our parents went through a separation within the month after the wedding. ....again, words are trapped, I fear I can't do with them what I would seek.
Most quickly and maybe efficiently, lest I take all morning on something I just can't allow time for, I've walked through darkness with moments of light and joy. These months have been terribly hard, and yet I have deliberately walked with God and stayed in His Word, allowing His presence to be with me. In the midst of my pain, God had called me to walk alongside women with such there own heartaches. I have been a hope bearer when I would seek so much of that for myself.
I championed a dear friend who is in high school as she went through a year of Ministry Quest and leadership training. Led Women's Bible Study. Continued on with youth group. Parented two active boys. And, went back to school.
The latter was something I'd been thinking about, but it is almost unfathomable that God would inspire the calling and direction at such a dark and draining time. But His ways are not my ways, and His timing remains intentional and perfect. Through so much work, my life season of transformation would begin with my contemplatively forming a chrysalis in the dark and uncertainty. And trusting the hours of days that needed to pass before emerging and spreading wings. I'm not sure I'm flying yet. I imagine my wings are drying in the sun, stretching and strengthening.
I've been on an amazing journey with The Christian Coach Institute as I've studied (and am waiting as I type) on hearing that I've earned my CPLC - Certified Professional Life Coach. I've worked so terribly hard in the middle of pain, parenting, ministry, marriage. I've had to reface old fears that probably have a lot to do with dropping out from my master's degree education in 1996. I've read inspiring books that help encourage one to live the free and abundant life. Books that help one navigate the Dark Night of the Soul.
I'm walking with God on our woodland trail for pure fellowship. I know that I desire and thirst for nothing more than to walk with God, enjoy His presence and friendship, and be pleasing in His eyes. I study Enoch and Moses and seek after that kind of relationship with God.
I've also turned 40, which in and of itself was not too bad for me. Russ paid an inspirational tribute to what 40 years symbolizes so often. God's children emerge after 40 years of wilderness and wandering. There is renewed vigor and focus. Yes, LORD. Your timing is perfect. But, in the meantime, I keep reading textbooks and what not on being middle age. One arrives without really knowing it or how it happens. And then, when taking stock of where you've been and hopefully paving out a plan for where you are going and what you want your life to represent (while in the midst of real life), you realize how intentional and disciplined you have to be or you will fail miserably and live quite hopeless.
Discipline was my word last year. I had to be so deliberately disciplined in all areas of life, lest I completely not move forward. All this takes a toll on a marriage. One of my books also mentioned the midlife marriage. I really chewed on that one, and saw parallels with my marriage and that of the author's. When did that happen? But if that season is not tended to, we see too often what happens in the families around us. I refuse to live stagnant, shackled and in darkness. And so we work harder, share more grace, and try to establish better boundaries. Our hope is in Christ and His plan for marriage. We are meant to truly live abundantly and free. It takes so much work, and so the words of Intentional and Discipline come back to me. Push comes to shove. How do people emerge together from darkness and pain, transformation and growth? And it usually all coincides with those busy parenting years. It is with hope and love that we navigate these midlife marriage years. We work hard, but we do work intentionally and together. I'm grateful for Russ and our journey alongside one another.
I feel more and more passionate about the love and hope of Christ Jesus; living for Him and through Him. I know God has called me and is equipping me to walk alongside others as they seek to live the abundant life. Satan will have no final victory. I am helping others live with increased identity, intimacy with God and others, and with greater impacts within their spheres of influence.
1 Timothy 1:14
"The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus."
The blog post that was originally put on hold would have been my brother Ryan's wedding to my sweet and newest sister, Amanda. That was June of 2013. Unfortunately, our parents went through a separation within the month after the wedding. ....again, words are trapped, I fear I can't do with them what I would seek.
Most quickly and maybe efficiently, lest I take all morning on something I just can't allow time for, I've walked through darkness with moments of light and joy. These months have been terribly hard, and yet I have deliberately walked with God and stayed in His Word, allowing His presence to be with me. In the midst of my pain, God had called me to walk alongside women with such there own heartaches. I have been a hope bearer when I would seek so much of that for myself.
I championed a dear friend who is in high school as she went through a year of Ministry Quest and leadership training. Led Women's Bible Study. Continued on with youth group. Parented two active boys. And, went back to school.
The latter was something I'd been thinking about, but it is almost unfathomable that God would inspire the calling and direction at such a dark and draining time. But His ways are not my ways, and His timing remains intentional and perfect. Through so much work, my life season of transformation would begin with my contemplatively forming a chrysalis in the dark and uncertainty. And trusting the hours of days that needed to pass before emerging and spreading wings. I'm not sure I'm flying yet. I imagine my wings are drying in the sun, stretching and strengthening.
I've been on an amazing journey with The Christian Coach Institute as I've studied (and am waiting as I type) on hearing that I've earned my CPLC - Certified Professional Life Coach. I've worked so terribly hard in the middle of pain, parenting, ministry, marriage. I've had to reface old fears that probably have a lot to do with dropping out from my master's degree education in 1996. I've read inspiring books that help encourage one to live the free and abundant life. Books that help one navigate the Dark Night of the Soul.
I'm walking with God on our woodland trail for pure fellowship. I know that I desire and thirst for nothing more than to walk with God, enjoy His presence and friendship, and be pleasing in His eyes. I study Enoch and Moses and seek after that kind of relationship with God.
I've also turned 40, which in and of itself was not too bad for me. Russ paid an inspirational tribute to what 40 years symbolizes so often. God's children emerge after 40 years of wilderness and wandering. There is renewed vigor and focus. Yes, LORD. Your timing is perfect. But, in the meantime, I keep reading textbooks and what not on being middle age. One arrives without really knowing it or how it happens. And then, when taking stock of where you've been and hopefully paving out a plan for where you are going and what you want your life to represent (while in the midst of real life), you realize how intentional and disciplined you have to be or you will fail miserably and live quite hopeless.
Discipline was my word last year. I had to be so deliberately disciplined in all areas of life, lest I completely not move forward. All this takes a toll on a marriage. One of my books also mentioned the midlife marriage. I really chewed on that one, and saw parallels with my marriage and that of the author's. When did that happen? But if that season is not tended to, we see too often what happens in the families around us. I refuse to live stagnant, shackled and in darkness. And so we work harder, share more grace, and try to establish better boundaries. Our hope is in Christ and His plan for marriage. We are meant to truly live abundantly and free. It takes so much work, and so the words of Intentional and Discipline come back to me. Push comes to shove. How do people emerge together from darkness and pain, transformation and growth? And it usually all coincides with those busy parenting years. It is with hope and love that we navigate these midlife marriage years. We work hard, but we do work intentionally and together. I'm grateful for Russ and our journey alongside one another.
I feel more and more passionate about the love and hope of Christ Jesus; living for Him and through Him. I know God has called me and is equipping me to walk alongside others as they seek to live the abundant life. Satan will have no final victory. I am helping others live with increased identity, intimacy with God and others, and with greater impacts within their spheres of influence.
1 Timothy 1:14
"The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus."
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Ws
Leaving camp, we stopped in the nearby town of Westcliffe, CO, where we enjoyed a leisurely stroll through the town and a sweet treat before getting on the road. What a charming little town surrounded by beauty.
Hiking pictures will come next. It’s good to be outside in the mountains!
Monday, June 17, 2013
Senior High Camp – Final
Finishing up the camp posts with some shots of the camp itself, a couple beautiful moments, and some final thoughts.
While it was a treat, there is still the reality that while some youth are enjoying themselves, others are wrestling with some very discouraging and even damaging events in their own lives. There is always some additional drama and injuries. Counselors needing to be encouraged after heavy talks. Due to all of the above, there is really little sleep in the building where we stay. The children manage to sleep through things quite well, thankfully, but Russ and I found ourselves exhausted by the end of the week. Nonetheless, if invited to come back again, I think I’d jump on that opportunity and let God use me as He sees fit there.
Below is the dining hall.
The cabin/lodge we stayed in.
I think it was on the final evening of camp, that this complete double rainbow came out following a brief shower. It was beautiful. The contrasting sun and the stormy skies met over our heads.
Closing bonfires. Camp was big enough that there were a few different sites for the fires. Russ led a time of reflection and devotional at one sight. Sam and Dellen were there for part of it before returning to our cabin for bed. Not too long after I got back to the campfire, one particular young man shared about his new found faith in Christ as a result of coming to camp. He also shared about his hurts that led him to suicidal thoughts, and then followed up all that with an impromptu proposal to his girlfriend. Russ had a lot to react to in a very short time with no warning. This excitement led to much follow-up during the following hours and called upon many people, including myself.
Ministry. It’s never dull when you choose to invest in the lives of people around you.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Senior High Camp - Bishop’s Castle
One afternoon during free time, we loaded up our church van and drove to Bishop's Castle (you can learn more by clicking on that link). It’s the life project of an eccentric and talented man. For some reason, this became a must see for many high schoolers at the camp. It worried me some, as it wasn’t an advertised activity option and seems entirely unsafe; something those in charge will have to address and prepare for next year. Our family has been here before, and at one time this was a possible wedding location for my brother and his fiancé.
It is a most precariously built castle, and with my fear of heights, I hardly manage to go to the second floor. Oh, but there were several that climbed out on that welded bridge and into that welded ball at the top, the love of my life included. Pictures below show Russ and a bunch from our group on the bridge. My kids went up further than I did. However, Sam decided very early on, to be conservative. I think Dellen joined in afterwards. Although, I think they made it up to the third floor before rejoining me and requesting to spend a chunk of time and their money in the gift shop. (Requested pictures also found below).
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