In the middle of a move and the pouring rain, my mom was willing to buckle up her two daycare kids and pack four lunches to appease my desire to see the golden aspen groves in the Colorado mountains. Thank you, Mom. I love you.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Emerging
How does one organize thoughts and feelings in such a way as to write tribute to seventeen months? It would take me time to really do it justice. I would have to go away to a scenic cottage and be contemplative and write draft upon draft until I felt I had given the appropriate amount of time to the expressing of my life and self. There is that desire within me. And yet, I simply don't have that luxury. Instead, I will type out a few unorganized thoughts and try to resume this blog moving forward and forgive myself for the huge gaping hole in the midst of extraordinary days, weeks, months, years.
The blog post that was originally put on hold would have been my brother Ryan's wedding to my sweet and newest sister, Amanda. That was June of 2013. Unfortunately, our parents went through a separation within the month after the wedding. ....again, words are trapped, I fear I can't do with them what I would seek.
Most quickly and maybe efficiently, lest I take all morning on something I just can't allow time for, I've walked through darkness with moments of light and joy. These months have been terribly hard, and yet I have deliberately walked with God and stayed in His Word, allowing His presence to be with me. In the midst of my pain, God had called me to walk alongside women with such there own heartaches. I have been a hope bearer when I would seek so much of that for myself.
I championed a dear friend who is in high school as she went through a year of Ministry Quest and leadership training. Led Women's Bible Study. Continued on with youth group. Parented two active boys. And, went back to school.
The latter was something I'd been thinking about, but it is almost unfathomable that God would inspire the calling and direction at such a dark and draining time. But His ways are not my ways, and His timing remains intentional and perfect. Through so much work, my life season of transformation would begin with my contemplatively forming a chrysalis in the dark and uncertainty. And trusting the hours of days that needed to pass before emerging and spreading wings. I'm not sure I'm flying yet. I imagine my wings are drying in the sun, stretching and strengthening.
I've been on an amazing journey with The Christian Coach Institute as I've studied (and am waiting as I type) on hearing that I've earned my CPLC - Certified Professional Life Coach. I've worked so terribly hard in the middle of pain, parenting, ministry, marriage. I've had to reface old fears that probably have a lot to do with dropping out from my master's degree education in 1996. I've read inspiring books that help encourage one to live the free and abundant life. Books that help one navigate the Dark Night of the Soul.
I'm walking with God on our woodland trail for pure fellowship. I know that I desire and thirst for nothing more than to walk with God, enjoy His presence and friendship, and be pleasing in His eyes. I study Enoch and Moses and seek after that kind of relationship with God.
I've also turned 40, which in and of itself was not too bad for me. Russ paid an inspirational tribute to what 40 years symbolizes so often. God's children emerge after 40 years of wilderness and wandering. There is renewed vigor and focus. Yes, LORD. Your timing is perfect. But, in the meantime, I keep reading textbooks and what not on being middle age. One arrives without really knowing it or how it happens. And then, when taking stock of where you've been and hopefully paving out a plan for where you are going and what you want your life to represent (while in the midst of real life), you realize how intentional and disciplined you have to be or you will fail miserably and live quite hopeless.
Discipline was my word last year. I had to be so deliberately disciplined in all areas of life, lest I completely not move forward. All this takes a toll on a marriage. One of my books also mentioned the midlife marriage. I really chewed on that one, and saw parallels with my marriage and that of the author's. When did that happen? But if that season is not tended to, we see too often what happens in the families around us. I refuse to live stagnant, shackled and in darkness. And so we work harder, share more grace, and try to establish better boundaries. Our hope is in Christ and His plan for marriage. We are meant to truly live abundantly and free. It takes so much work, and so the words of Intentional and Discipline come back to me. Push comes to shove. How do people emerge together from darkness and pain, transformation and growth? And it usually all coincides with those busy parenting years. It is with hope and love that we navigate these midlife marriage years. We work hard, but we do work intentionally and together. I'm grateful for Russ and our journey alongside one another.
I feel more and more passionate about the love and hope of Christ Jesus; living for Him and through Him. I know God has called me and is equipping me to walk alongside others as they seek to live the abundant life. Satan will have no final victory. I am helping others live with increased identity, intimacy with God and others, and with greater impacts within their spheres of influence.
1 Timothy 1:14
"The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus."
The blog post that was originally put on hold would have been my brother Ryan's wedding to my sweet and newest sister, Amanda. That was June of 2013. Unfortunately, our parents went through a separation within the month after the wedding. ....again, words are trapped, I fear I can't do with them what I would seek.
Most quickly and maybe efficiently, lest I take all morning on something I just can't allow time for, I've walked through darkness with moments of light and joy. These months have been terribly hard, and yet I have deliberately walked with God and stayed in His Word, allowing His presence to be with me. In the midst of my pain, God had called me to walk alongside women with such there own heartaches. I have been a hope bearer when I would seek so much of that for myself.
I championed a dear friend who is in high school as she went through a year of Ministry Quest and leadership training. Led Women's Bible Study. Continued on with youth group. Parented two active boys. And, went back to school.
The latter was something I'd been thinking about, but it is almost unfathomable that God would inspire the calling and direction at such a dark and draining time. But His ways are not my ways, and His timing remains intentional and perfect. Through so much work, my life season of transformation would begin with my contemplatively forming a chrysalis in the dark and uncertainty. And trusting the hours of days that needed to pass before emerging and spreading wings. I'm not sure I'm flying yet. I imagine my wings are drying in the sun, stretching and strengthening.
I've been on an amazing journey with The Christian Coach Institute as I've studied (and am waiting as I type) on hearing that I've earned my CPLC - Certified Professional Life Coach. I've worked so terribly hard in the middle of pain, parenting, ministry, marriage. I've had to reface old fears that probably have a lot to do with dropping out from my master's degree education in 1996. I've read inspiring books that help encourage one to live the free and abundant life. Books that help one navigate the Dark Night of the Soul.
I'm walking with God on our woodland trail for pure fellowship. I know that I desire and thirst for nothing more than to walk with God, enjoy His presence and friendship, and be pleasing in His eyes. I study Enoch and Moses and seek after that kind of relationship with God.
I've also turned 40, which in and of itself was not too bad for me. Russ paid an inspirational tribute to what 40 years symbolizes so often. God's children emerge after 40 years of wilderness and wandering. There is renewed vigor and focus. Yes, LORD. Your timing is perfect. But, in the meantime, I keep reading textbooks and what not on being middle age. One arrives without really knowing it or how it happens. And then, when taking stock of where you've been and hopefully paving out a plan for where you are going and what you want your life to represent (while in the midst of real life), you realize how intentional and disciplined you have to be or you will fail miserably and live quite hopeless.
Discipline was my word last year. I had to be so deliberately disciplined in all areas of life, lest I completely not move forward. All this takes a toll on a marriage. One of my books also mentioned the midlife marriage. I really chewed on that one, and saw parallels with my marriage and that of the author's. When did that happen? But if that season is not tended to, we see too often what happens in the families around us. I refuse to live stagnant, shackled and in darkness. And so we work harder, share more grace, and try to establish better boundaries. Our hope is in Christ and His plan for marriage. We are meant to truly live abundantly and free. It takes so much work, and so the words of Intentional and Discipline come back to me. Push comes to shove. How do people emerge together from darkness and pain, transformation and growth? And it usually all coincides with those busy parenting years. It is with hope and love that we navigate these midlife marriage years. We work hard, but we do work intentionally and together. I'm grateful for Russ and our journey alongside one another.
I feel more and more passionate about the love and hope of Christ Jesus; living for Him and through Him. I know God has called me and is equipping me to walk alongside others as they seek to live the abundant life. Satan will have no final victory. I am helping others live with increased identity, intimacy with God and others, and with greater impacts within their spheres of influence.
1 Timothy 1:14
"The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)